Common Misconceptions About Highly Sensitive People
Whenever I tell someone that I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), I typically hear the same misguided responses. It usually goes something like, “I would hate to be like that,” or, “I used to be so sensitive, but luckily I grew out of it.” Not only does this show a complete misunderstanding of what being an HSP means, but it also reveals much about the negative associations we place on the word “sensitive.” These misconceptions about highly sensitive people are rooted in the belief that being sensitive demonstrates weakness, emotional instability, and a lack of resilience or grit — which couldn’t be further from the truth.
To be clear, when we say that someone is a highly sensitive person, we are talking about sensory processing sensitivity (SPS). This means we are describing people with heightened senses (taste, touch, smell, etc.) and an amplified awareness of their surroundings. People who are born with this trait can sense subtleties in their environment more than non HSPs, which is a biological evolution meant to help humans sense danger and keep their tribe alive and thriving. Yes, this includes greater emotion, and HSPs can struggle to regulate their feelings, but there is much more to the picture here.
So, before you write off your HSP friends, coworkers, and loved ones — or even yourself — as a weak, emotional wreck who can’t deal with difficult situations, consider the following misconceptions about highly sensitive people. I hope they shed light on this common neurobiological trait.
1. HSPs Have a Disorder
HSPs are wired to sense danger in their environment, so strong sights, sounds, and sensations are felt more by our bodies. While HSPs often have strong responses to excessive stimuli, such as bright lights, loud noises, and itchy fabrics, our biological response (the way our brains and bodies process these sensory events) is considered appropriate and not a disorder. Disorders, on the other hand, mean the brain and body respond excessively. For example, in people with sensory processing disorder (SPD), certain stimuli can cause such overwhelm that it’s difficult for the person to react normally. This might look like someone who is severely distressed by the sound of a vacuum cleaner or hairdryer to the point they are no longer able to function.
HSPs, on the other hand, may find these noises unpleasant and wish to lessen the noise by putting in a pair of earplugs or leaving the room. Additionally, after a long day filled with meetings, deep work, and conversation, we often need to retreat to a quiet space to recover. This is because we take in so much more information that non HSPs throughout the day, so we need a lot of alone time to recharge. But the good news is that when we afford ourselves this time and lots of self-care, we recover and bounce back nicely.
2. HSPs are Rare
According to Dr. Elaine Aron in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, 15-20% of the population are HSP. Some studies even claim we represent upwards of 30%. Another interesting fact is that the trait shows up equally in both men and women. Statistically speaking, this means that one out of every five men and women in your life have this trait, which also means it’s pretty common — and so many people aren’t even aware they have it.
HSPs are often the healers, thinkers, musicians, artists, coaches, and emotionally intelligent friends and family among us — but we are all so different, so it’s difficult to pinpoint who has this trait and who doesn’t. (Curious if you are an HSP? Take the free “Are You a Highly Sensitive Person” quiz to find out.)
3. You Can Outgrow Your HSP Trait
Some people believe HSPs can simply grow out of their HSP trait and “Just stop being so sensitive!” Since this is a genetic and natural disposition, it cannot be turned on or off. Though you can’t outgrow this trait, you can learn to manage your feelings and overwhelm more easily.
Over the course of our lives, many HSPs learn how to do this skillfully by:
setting and enforcing healthy boundaries
practicing self-awareness and self-care
limiting exposure to stimuli
managing stress
practicing mindfulness
For those of us who have grown up in unsupportive environements, this can take a long time and require lots of practice.
4. HSPs are Always Crying or Upset
Some people believe that HSPs are overly emotional and easily overwhelmed all the time. While we may be more attuned to our emotions and we get overwhelmed at times, it doesn’t mean we can’t manage our feelings effectively. In reality, HSPs often possess a heightened depth of processing, which means we can think deeply about our emotions and quickly adapt, building resilience as we go — especially in supportive and encouraging environments.
HSPs who have been told from a young age they are too sensitive or need to change who they are to fit into a more extroverted world might struggle to accept themselves and their trait. When society is telling you there’s something wrong with you, it becomes more difficult to navigate life with confidence. Keep in mind that there are so many wonderful things that come with being an HSP. We are empathetic, intuitive, creative, great listeners, and deep thinkers, among other strengths. Beliving we are emotional wrecks without understanding and acknowledging our positive contributions sells what we have to offer very, very short.
5. All HSPs are Introverted or Shy
HSPs are all different in so many ways, like any personality type. This includes whether we prefer more alone time and are shy (which is a learned trait, not innate) or enjoy socializing. Roughly 70% of HSPs are introverted, and the other 30% are extroverted, among other distinguishing factors. For example, some HSPs are considered high sensation seeking, which means that though we are wired to sense danger, we love to take risks and feel adventurous…but typically from a place of relative safety.
There are plenty of leaders, CEOs, and even presidents who are HSPs (this includes Abraham Lincoln). Though we feel and notice a lot of the world around us, particularly in our bodies — and though we tend to gravitate toward the gentler side of things to give our nervous systems a well-deserved break from too much stimulation — we are capable of rising to any occasion that non-HSPs do.
With HSPs, There’s No One Size Fits All
There is so much depth and nuance to being highly sensitive. Not only do we tend to be highly empathetic, creative, and adaptable, we have strong intuition, process the world around us deeply, and have imaginative inner lives. Someone once described it as living in technicolor versus black and white. All the sights, sounds, and emotions that we notice help us foster a richer experience and appreciation for all the beauty life has to offer.
Though living with heightened senses can be awesome, it comes with a fair share of challenges, as well. If you are and HSP who struggles with:
constant overwhelm
setting boundaries or saying “no”
coping with criticism and negative emotions
balancing your need for alone time and social engagements
…or any obstacle that is standing in your way from building the life you want and deserve, set up a free discovery session with Happy HSP Coaching. We can discuss what you’re up against and come up with a gameplan that will get you moving along more easily in the direction of a happier, healthier life.